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"eSpindle is great for
learning English
vocabulary.
It is very useful to have pronunciation, spelling and meaning all offered in
one step."
B. Ecke, Germany, ESL student
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was
time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither
apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French
fries in France. Sweetmeats are candles while sweetbreads,
which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a
guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why
is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers
don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of
booth beeth?
One goose, two geese. So - one moose, two meese? Doesn't it
seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If
you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one
of them, what do you call it? Is it and odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a
vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In
what language do people recite a play and play a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim
chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are the opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in
which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you
fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm is
going off by going on. English was invented by people, not
computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race,
which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible,
but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH can stand for O as in Dough If PHTH can stand for
T as in Phthisis If EIGH can stand for
A as in Neighbor If TTE can stand for
T as in Gazette If EAU can stand for
O as in Plateau
Then the right way to spell POTATO should be:
GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU
- author unknown.
"Learning is ever in the freshness of its youth, even for the old."
Aeschylus (525-456 BC), Greek tragic poet,from Agamemnon, 584.
A "sniglets" is the creation of new blend words to fit a
supposed need in the lexicon of the English language. An
example: "furnidents" - the indentations left in the carpet
where furniture once stood.
Here are some more that have started to circulate the
Internet (their true creators seems unknown):
1. Cashtration (n): The act of buying a house, which renders
the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
2. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
3. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
4. Bozone (n): The substance surrounding stupid people that
stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the
near future.
5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn't get it.
7. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
8. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is, like, sending
off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the
Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer.
9. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the
day consuming only things that are good for you.
10. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come at you rapidly.
11. Arachnoleptic fit (n): The frantic dance you perform
just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
12. Beelzebug (n): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that
gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be
cast out.
13. Caterpallor (n): The color you turn after finding half a
worm in the fruit you're eating.
This is a selection of sniglets
that were published
by Raymond J. Rundus, Professor Emeritus of English at the
University of North Carolina at Pembroke, who does not claim
ownership in their creation.
Please also visit his highly entertaining blog on
www.fayettevillenc.com.
"A young man came to Socrates one time and said, "Mr. Socrates, I have come 1,600 miles to talk to you about wisdom and learning."
He said, "You are a man of wisdom and learning, and I would like to be a man of wisdom and learning."
Socrates said, "Come follow me," and he led the way down to the seashore. They waded out into the water up to their waists, and then Socrates turned on his friend and held his head under the water.
His friend struggled and kicked and bucked and tried to get away, but Socrates held him down. Now if you hold someone's head under the water long enough, he will eventually become fairly peaceable. And after this man had stopped struggling, Socrates laid him out on the bank to dry, and he went back to the market place.
After the young man had dried out a little bit, he came back to Socrates to find the reason for this rather unusual behavior.
Socrates said to him, "When your head was under the water, what was the one thing you wanted more than anything else?" And the man said, "More than anything else, I wanted air."
Socrates said, "All right, when you want wisdom and learning like you wanted air, you won't have to ask anybody to give it to you." Sterling W. Sill(1903-1994)
Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear. So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain. (Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you With such words as plaque and argue.
But be careful how you speak: Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery, Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles, Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar, Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral, Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind, Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet, Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food, Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad, Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb, Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger, Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt, Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger, And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge, Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very, Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth. Job, knob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little, We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer. Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate; Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific, Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed, People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover, Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable, Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal, Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four. Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area, Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean. Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian, Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye, Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever, Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary. Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface. Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging, Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even, Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk, Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation -- think of Psyche! Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits, Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel: Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight, Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough -- Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup. My advice is to give up!
From the Internet, source unknown.
Multinational personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) headquarters near Paris found English to be an easy language . . . until they tried to pronounce it.
To help them discard an array of accents, the verses below were devised.
After trying them, a Frenchman said he’d prefer six months at hard labor to reading six lines aloud.
For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet.
The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later.
Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.
Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.
Bai iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.
Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
Abraham Lincoln tells somewhere that as a boy when he met an obscure or ambiguous sentence in his reading it threw him into a sort of rage.
The fact is that this was simply a form of instinct for clear thinking which is found in every child and manifests itself abundantly to the perception of the good teacher.
Far more important than any particular piece of knowledge, than geography or arithmetic or spelling, is this love of clearness in our mental life and instinctive hatred of confusion and obscurity.
Let us learn to know what we know clearly and definitely, and also how we know it.
The great intellectual need of men and women in the outer world is not so much more knowledge as it is better knowledge and better thinking.
There is much philosophy in the humorist's remark, "It was never my ignorance that done me up, but the things I know'd that wasn't so."
The great enemies of intellectual life are superstition, gullibility, and fallacious reasoning. A mere knowledge of facts, important as that is, is no safeguard against these.
A conscious desire and resolve to think clearly is the true remedy. Our national success will depend largely upon the development of a generation of men and women who have formed a love and habit of clear thinking and who can do their part in solving the problems that confront civilized man today.
Edward O. Sisson, PhD., Professor of Education, University of Washington,from The Essentials of Character
"Learning is acquired by reading books; but the much more necessary learning, the knowledge of the world, is only to be acquired by reading man, and studying all the various editions of them."
Lord Chesterfield Stanhope (1694-1773),English statesman & writer.
It used to be enough to ask him to say the alphabet.
When the Canadian got to the end, he'd say "zed" instead of "zee".
But 18 years of Sesame Street have taught a lot of Canadian kids to say "zee," and it's starting to sound as natural as it does south of the 49th parallel.
Another test used to be the word "lieutenant".
Canadians pronounced it in the British was, "leftenant", while Americans say "lootenant".
But American cop shows and army shows and movies have eroded that difference, too.
Canadians have been adopting American spelling as well.
They used to put a "u" in words like labour. The main organizationin the country, the equivalent of the AFL-CIO, is still officially called the Canadian Labour Congress.
But news organizations have been wiping out that distinction by adopting American spelling, mostly to make it easier to use news copy from such agencies as Associated Press without a lot of changes.
So it's "Canadian Labor Congress" when the Canadian Press, the national news agency, writes about it.
Some pronunciations, considered true tests of Canadians, are not as reliableas they're thought. Take the word "house" for example. When some Canadians say it, it sounds very Scottish in American ears. Visiting Americans trying to reproduce what they hear usually give the Canadian pronunciation as "hoose".
The same for "out" and "about". The way some Canadians say them sounds like "oot" and "aboot" to many Americans. And when an American says "house" to a Canadian, the Canadian often hears a bit of an "ay" in it, something like "hayouse".
But pronunciation isn't a good test because people from different parts of Canada speak differently. A resident of the Western province of Alberta, where there has been a considerable inflow of settlers from the United States, may sound like a Montanan or a Dakotan.
Then there's the ubiquitous Canadian expression "eh?" - pronounced "ay?"
This is a better test because many Canadians tack it on to the end of every assertion to turn it into a question.
Don McGillivray (Ottawa columnist for Southam Newspapers)
A linguistics professor was lecturing
to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "a
double negative forms a positive.
In some languages,
though, such as Russian, a double negative is still
a negative. However, there is no language wherein a
double positive can form a negative."
A voice
from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
I was having lunch at the faculty club with a recent acquaintance when a
young man approached my table, handed me a slip of paper, said "Two more"
and walked away. My companion and I were just beginning to discuss the
project that we had agreed to lunch about when another man came up, gave me
another slip of paper, said "Three, maybe four" with an air of quiet triumph
and left. A woman dropped off the next slip. "Only one this time," she said,
"not a large number, but after awhile the mind tends to grow number."
"Would it be presumptuous to ask what this is all about?" my vis-à-vis
said.
"Not at all," I said. "It's a kind of game--trying to find a word that
has two separate pronunciations, two distinct meanings, but only one
spelling. Word games used to be used more often, but it's a subject I didn't
intend to subject you to since you're an economist." He looked slightly
annoyed. "The last economist I tried it on got his wind up before I'd even
had a chance to wind up," I explained. "This is more likely to appeal to
literary people."
"Economists are not necessarily illiterate," he said. "Can you give me an
example or two?"
I handed him the slip the first man had given me. He unfolded it and read
aloud: "The bass swam around the bass drum on the ocean floor." He
paused to blink, then continued: "The buck does odd things when the does
are in heat... You sure this isn't some sort of a private code?"
"Something I'd only intimate to my most intimate friends?" I said. "By no
means." I handed him the slip the woman had given me, sure that it would be
a good one; her mind moves so supply that she had already added a dozen to
the total supply.
"A crow can scatter wheat seeds, but can a sow sow corn?" he read,
and laughed, but I sighed because the example duplicated one that had
already been given me by a physicist obsessed with the game. "Oh!"
my lunch companion said. "I get it. But what's the problem? There must be
dozens of words that meet your three conditions."
"They're rather hard to find. Name one if you can."
His silence lasted quite awhile but his lips kept moving.
"Are you having dessert?" the waitress asked.
"After dessert she deserted..." he started off happily, but I interrupted
with: "No good; the spelling must be the same."
"Oh." Then after a pause, "But suppose I said: 'She wished she could
desert him in the desert'?"
"On the nose--same spelling, two meanings, two pronunciations."
"Give me a few more from your approved list," he said.
"A couple should be enough to present you with at present. First, a
rather sweet one: 'After watching the seagull dive for a fish, the dove
dove.'"
"Lovely," he said. "Go on."
"OK, a final example," I said. "'The town dump is so full that it may
have to start to refuse refuse. And if that makes the mayor blow his fuse,
who will refuse him?'"
"That's a double," he said accusingly, and then added on with sudden
inspiration: "When my mother-in-law accompanied us on our honeymoon trip to
Niagara, I nearly threw the old dam over the dam."
"Two-thirds OK, but the pronunciation is the same in both."
"D---," he said. Then, after a pause: "How about: 'In trigonometry, the
sine is a sine que non'?"
"Sorry," I said gently, "foreign languages don't count. Although one
contribution, 'It's unwise to rub pâté into one's pate,' struck me as so
charming that I was tempted to give it a visa."
"Why not?" he said. "Must you be so intransigent?"
I sighed. "You make me feel that my sole object is to object. But I allow
one great exception: 'Man's laughter can be crueler than manslaughter.'"
"That's really awe-inspiring. Do these things have a name?"
"Of course: heteronyms, logical relatives of synonyms, homonyms and
antonyms."
The next morning's mail brought seven sound ones from my lunch
companion--not a bit to my surprise. Heteronyms spread like happy rumors,
perhaps because they're so useful in warding off insomnia, migraines or
irritation with airplane delays. A two-page list came from a
paleoanthropologist on the same day that a novelist swam up to me on
Martha's Vineyard and said, "I saw the weirdest thing in town: a hand
reaching up from a manhole wielding a threaded needle. It's the first time I
ever came upon a sewer in a sewer."
We are, I think, coming close to a close with the contents of the master
list, combining the inspirations of several score heteronymophiles for a
49-word total, including 16 you may or may not have spotted on this page.
Source: November 1988 edition of the Smithsonian magazine, written by
Felicia Lamport
"Liberty without learning is always in peril and learning without liberty is always in vain."
John F. Kennedy (1917-1963),American Statesman (35th US president: 1961-63).
Jesus took his disciples up the mountain and gathering them around him, he
spoke:
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven...
Blessed are the meek... Blessed are they that mourn...
Blessed are the merciful... Blessed are they that thirst for justice when persecuted...
Blessed are you when you suffer... Be glad and rejoice for your reward is great in heaven.
Then Simon Peter said, "Are we supposed to know this?"
And Andrew said, "Do we have to write this down?"
And James said, "Is this examinable?" And Phillip said, "Is there an answer guide in the library?"
And Bartholomew said, "What came after poor?"
And John said, "The other disciples didn't have to learn this!"
And Mark said, "Don't take the overhead off yet."
And Matthew went to the bathroom.
One of the Pharisees who was present asked to see Jesus' lesson plan and enquired of Jesus, "Where are your anticipatory set and your objectives in the cognitive domain?"
Spelling skills are declining in the United States, according to the latest "Futurist" magazine. Well, da. I mean, duh.
I've always considered spelling a weird hangup propagated by that anal-retentive guy Webster just to sell a few books.
Dictionaries have become one of the most culturally divisive aspects of modern society. Just because stodgy old dudes like Daniel Webster believed there was only one way to spell a word doesn't mean our sovereign spelling rights should be violated.
Let me ax you a question. Shouldn't spelling keep up with the current pronunciation of words?
You can't watch a television talk show these days without people "axing" each other to death with questions. If kids spend their early years in schools where questions are "axed", not "asked," how can you expect them to know that the letters "s" and "k" are somehow associated with the word?
And that's an easy one. How about all the words out there that mean exactly the same thing but are spelled differently? How do you explain to a youngster that the wild beasts called "wildebeests" in Africa and "antelopes" in America are old "gnus" to everyone else?
Gnu, by the way, is one of those gnarly words that gnaw and gnash like a gnostic gnat on the common-sense lobe of our brains.
Why does the letter G command such a prominent position in these words and yet pull so little actual duty?
Who was the G whiz who invented the Verbal Stealth Technology that renders such Gs phonetically invisible? Or are these words alien vessels, equipped with Klingon Cloaking Devices that selectively shield certain letters from audio detection?
I challenge you to bravely go where no reader has gone before and explore the following sentence:
The new gnu knew which witch a night knight might now know, but not which waves waifs waive when surfing serfs, where we were, wear wire ware at noon and from one to two, too.
YOU can imagine how frightening a flight through such a sentence would be for, say, a 7-year-old child attempting to learn our language. It's the type of sentence that might make the child flee to another country where language adheres to certain natural laws, such as gravity.
But when it comes to the English language, there is no gravity. What marginal laws of spelling there are - such as "I before E except after C" - are cavalierly suspended at will by the language gods. For proof, we merely have to turn to "science."
Kids learn certain things early in life. And one of them is, when you gotta "P," you gotta "P," period. That is, unless "P" starts hanging out with incorrigible letters such as "H." Then the "P" forsakes its P-ness, dons the phonetic trappings of a completely different letter and sashays around town pretending to be an "F." It's pointless and sad. Especially when a child discovers her dream of a "pony" has become a "phony" simply because our language forefathers (and foremothers) could not control their alphabet.
Is it so surprising, then, that kids 2day find language 2 hard 2 handle and look 4 ways 2 take spelling shortcuts?
And technology has been no help. Computer spell-checkers are sullen and moody and steadfastly refuse to do their job.
The cheapest computer on the market can slice pi to the three-millionth digit but pretends like it doesn't know the difference between "cent" and "sent." If you want my two scents worth, that stinks. And stinks.
So maybe spelling skills are declining. But just remember, while seasonings change, thyme marches on and the brave gnu, whirled, keeps turning.
Do you know this joke?
A gangster is calling an arms dealer, trying to tell him
over a bad phone connection that he wants "GUNS."
Since the dealer doesn't understand he asks him to spell the
word, and here's what the gangster said... " 'G' for Jeans
'U' for Onions 'N' for Knickers 'S' for Cement."
Below I'm listing the "official way" to spell letters,
sometimes also called the NATO alphabet. This alphabet dates
back to the fifties and is approved by the International
Civil Aviation Organization, the FAA and the International
Telecommunication Union, although variations are common.
Alpha (Alfa)
Bravo
Charlie
Delta
Echo
Foxtrot
Golf
Hotel
India
Juliet (Juliett, Juliette)
Kilo
Lima
Mike
November
Oscar (Oskar)
Papa
Quebec
Romeo
Sierra
Tango
Uniform
Victor (Viktor)
Whiskey
Xray (X-ray)
Yankee
Zulu
We'll begin with a box, and the plural
is boxes,
but the plural of ox became oxen not
oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called
geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be
meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full
of mice,
yet the plural of house is houses, not
hice.
If the plural of man is always called
men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be
called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my
feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be
called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are
teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be
called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be
those,
yet hat in the plural would never be
hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of
brethren,
but
though we say mother,
we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he,
his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis
and shim.
Let's face it - English is a crazy
language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham
in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in
England.
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, we
find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing
rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from
Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but
fingers don't fing, grocers
don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can
make amends but not
one amend? If you have a bunch of
odds and ends and get
rid of all but one of them, what do
you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't
preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who
grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for
the verbally insane.
In what other language do people
recite at a play and
play at a recital? We ship by truck
but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that
smell.
And how can a slim chance and a fat
chance be the same,
while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique
lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as
it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by
filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by
going on.
So if Dad is Pop, how come Mom isn't
Mop?
And I've often wondered: How come we
park in a driveway and drive on
a parkway?
Makes no sense!
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